Week 2

Now…week 2 proved much better. Although my husband Mike has taken fastidious care of me, I decided to take matters back into my own hands. I got up last Monday, emancipated my left eyebrow from my right (overdue plucking) and decided I would walk on my own. I made it all the way to the end of the street before I started swearing… Thank God no one else was out… except a very elderly lady in a wheel chair… that past me up… I think when I’m better I’ll ring her doorbell and run…

I started a regular routine that seems to work for me. I get up and shower, put on a loose skirt because pants over my stitches are out of the question, make my oatmeal and raisins and sit on the front porch to eat it…and then… I walk. I tried the whole loop around my inside tract today. Half way through I was looking for a short flat fence in the shade to collapse on so some neighbor wouldn’t find me face down on their lawn.. Luckily, most of my neighbors don’t recognize me by site (take’s a Halloween costume). All they know is some strange woman can be seen in a giant hat and skirt (like a misplaced southern belle) early in the morning… walking in baby steps. I think I look quite mysterious but lately I’ve seen a patrol car cruisen…

Upon completion of the tract tour, I sit on my front patio under a giant umbrella and read or listen to books on tape the rest of the day. I find I like reading better because I can make the characters in my head sound however I like. The ones on tape have actors reading and if they don’t have good accents (or have the honed skills of William Shatner)…well…it just spoils the whole story. That and the fact that I’m slightly hard of hearing (rock concert years) and I have to turn the thing way up to hear it. It’s not a good idea to have sex scenes played out really loud if you are trying to sit un-noticed on the porch…

While I sit there, I have begun to come to a couple of conclusions. First, I believe there must be a whole lot of independently wealthy people in this tract because it seems no one works for a living. Not that I can see. Oh…They leave in their cars but! they come back in a short time…as if they went to 7/11 for a slurpee and are rushing back for the day’s TV line-up. And second, we must be the city capital of dog walking. I have seen literally every shape and size of dog with their respective walkers. Being a cat owner, I had no idea how many creative ways there were to walk a dog. Some ride skateboards while their dogs run beside…others… bicycles…others are literally dragged behind…while still others just open their gates and leave them “free-to-be” to do their business and come back. Then there’s the neighbor who rides a mini bike, hell on wheels, hugging the curb while his dog chases it around the block at warp speed. Some people just hold the dog in their arms and walk. That “dog walk” I haven’t figured out unless they are really exercizing while the dog substitutes for mislocated bar bells. Today I noticed a guy carrying just a lime green pooper scooper…no dog even in sight. Who knows…maybe we have a pooper scooper assigned patrol. Yet another good reason to not let a neighbor see me…

On Friday Jamie came over to work on the Tsunami mural and relieve Mike of “H watch” so I invited Dedra (another friend) to join us in a bar-be-que. Granted I cannot drive and there wasn’t any food in the house…I still thought it a grand idea. The bar-be-que was dragged onto the front porch and Jamie drove me to the store, while I held onto my stomach muscles in the bouncing car, then I turtle walked to get the goods. We made some very fine turkey burgers and then Jamie went back to her mural. She decided she needed some other kind of paint and we were off to the Home Depot. While there, Dedra hooked me up with an electrical cart they keep and I was off. The thing had a giant pole in the back with a big flashing light on the very top and the most obnoxious horn I’ve ever heard. I had a field day zooming past folks, honking that squealing thing and sailing by with a evil smile. Sadly I had to give it back before I put anything cool in it’s giant basket. Neither Jamie nor Dedra would get in. Hey! You really should seek those out if you happen on a Home Depot. It adds whole new meaning to the shopping experience.

I read 3 more books incognito on my porch without someone noticing… and asking me to join some neighborhood bunco club… and I watched 6 more movies. My God, if I add daytime TV I should be ready to compete in game shows after week 6!

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3 Responses to “Week 2”

  1. heh heh. I am so glad to read you are doing well. Week 2 was a very enjoyable read. I laughed…it was great!! Next time I am in Home Depot, I will think of you!! HA HA. I think I’ll take my camera and seek out one of those wonderful rides!

    hmmm, now to find a reason to go to Home Depot… 😀

  2. Hi Tam,

    Stick a wide bushy plant in the basket and steady your lens camouflaged in the center. You should get some real nice unsuspecting shots! Hey, that’s a brilliant idea. The light on the pole may alarm a few but heck I may try that next!

    😉 H

  3. MaryBeth Says:

    Heather, I’m so glad you’re feeling more like yourself. Your descriptions are vivid and funny and such a pleasure to read. Take it easy, and sending good thoughts your way!

    love, marybeth

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