Archive for the Life Category

God Speed Chris

Posted in artists, Attitudes, Death, Life, Love, Memories, Music, Musicians, Personal, Quietness, remembering, Somewhere Over the rainbow, thoughts, Uncategorized on May 19, 2017 by anuvuestudio

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I can still remember clearly the first time I heard his voice. I would lay around listening to the radio, trying to catch his name or the name of the band he was frontman for. I would always hear parts of the song… but never enough to make a purchase in the 5 music stores I went to. I would try to sing words from the song, always to a very confused music merchant. Finally, a person at Virgin records had heard it too. They placed the elusive CD in my hand and I was off. I popped that thing into my car and turned it up so loud the walls vibrated and shuddered. The voice was haunting, dark, melancholy. It was deep like the vocals that have attracted my attention since I was a small child. I played that CD endlessly until people refused to ride in my car. I can laugh at that now. That day Chris became my favorite singer. He had the voice of a dark angel. The kind of tone that hits you inside the chest and gives you that twitchy pain behind your eyes. The tone you feel into your very soul.

I’m a firm believer that some people are just not meant for this world. They try so hard to conform and live amongst us. But their souls are always restless. No amount of love or money or beauty or fame can tame them and their search for that “something” that will keep them steady and quiet their soul…it just never comes. Some people will say he was selfish. Some people will say he abused drugs or alcohol. Others will discuss what was in his mind; depression, mental illness, bi-polar, whatever… as if they knew him well both inside and out. The simple fact is no one did. We only knew his music.

What I say? I pray that God wraps loving arms around his family and friends. I pray Chris has finally found his inner peace and is free.  God Speed Brother.

Words to Live Audioslave Chris Cornell Show Me How Me

9-11: re-lived

Posted in Attitudes, Bring it, Entering New Territory, Images, Life on May 3, 2011 by anuvuestudio

Yesterday, a very evil man’s life came to an abrupt and justified end and this normally docile woman is very content with his demise. I’m not a political person and I rarely watch the news but this event is important to me on a very personal level. In September 2001, I took a road trip across 38 US States, surpassed 9,000 miles and met some very inspirational Americans who’s lives were forever altered by tragedy.

After 10 years of determined pursuit, a great Nation has justice for 2,740 innocent American citizens who were at the wrong place at the wrong time.  I am so very proud of the US Military of Sea, Air and Land, the Black Hawk Pilots and those American Warriors whose sacrifice we will never know about. I am grateful to those that gave their lives in pursuit of something they believed important enough to protect and defend… and to the families who gave more than they should have had to. This American feels a certain sense of relief and satisfaction, but in the end, believes God decides all final justice for each of us.

To the children who were 5 years of age when they painted this and to the teacher who dreamed it up (A memorial for all who lost their lives or were left broken) You as teens now, may never know how much this helped people hold hope for the future…but I was one of them.

To those who lost their lives and those who left a token of love behind… I will always remember.

To those workers, who endured unbelievable obstacles, even to the detriment of their own lives… I will be forever grateful.

To the City that never wavered from her goal and to the people who love her, I will always be inspired.

And to those who protect us in the face of extreme danger, who allow us to be free, I will be forever proud to be American…and relieved we’re on the same side 😉

Please care…

Posted in Attitudes, Bring it, Divided, Doctor visits, Entering New Territory, good grief, Hiding place, Hope, It could Happen, keeping positive, last words, Life, People, Personal, Remember, Self portrait, Teaching, the story unfolds, thoughts, Too tough to die, Uncategorized, wisdom, wish, yikes, yuck! with tags , , , , , on April 21, 2011 by anuvuestudio


About others and read this…

Imagine each day you wake, you live with the possibility of feeling ill. Your throat gets scratchy, your ears plug, your sinus’s have painful pressure and your eyes water. Imagine everyday feeling like you have a cold…that will never go away. Not enough? Take your right hand and with your index finger and thumb, pinch them together over your nose and hold. It’s at  this point you begin to breath through your mouth. Now, with your left hand, place your flat palm over your mouth and hold tight. Imagine the weight of a 30lb child standing on your chest in the center between your nipples. Can you feel the weight pressing? Now wait until you have to breath…until you’re actually scared…and then… don’t let go. Not enough. Dig a hole… in the ground…and place yourself in it. Let a friend cover you over with fresh, heavy earth, until there’s no light and no air. Get the picture?

Asthma facts and Statistics

Every day in America Alone:

  • Every day in America Alone:
    40,000 people miss school or work due to asthma.
  •  30,000 people have an asthma attack.
  •  5,000 people visit the emergency room due to asthma.
  •  1,000 people are admitted to the hospital due to asthma.
  •  11 people die from asthma.

An estimated 20 million Americans suffer from asthma (1 in 15 Americans), and 50% of asthma cases are “allergic-asthma.” The prevalence of asthma has been increasing since the early 1980s across all age, sex and racial groups.

Multiple Chemical Sensitivity 

Chemical-based products are all around: in the clothes we wear, in the food we eat and in the air we breathe. It is not possible to escape exposure. Many people have become sensitized to the chemicals around them. It is estimated that as much as 15% of the population has become sensitized to common household and commercial products. For some people the sensitization is not too serious a problem. They may have what appears to be a minor allergy to one or more chemicals. Other people are much more seriously affected. Such people have a condition known as Multiple Chemical Sensitivity or MCS.

Symptoms of MCS 

• asthma or other breathing problems  • autoimmune disorders  • behavioral problems  • bloating or other intestinal problems  • cardiovascular irregularities  • chronic exhaustion  • disorientation or becoming “lost”  • dizziness  • dystonia (paralysis)  • eye, nose and throat problems • fatigue and depression • flu-like symptoms • food allergies and intolerances • genitourinary problems • headaches • increased sensitivity to odors • inflammation • irritability • learning disabilities • mental confusion • movement disorders • muscle weakness and joint pains • numbness and tingling in limbs • persistent infections, especially yeast  • persistent skin rashes and sores • seizure disorders • short or long term memory loss • visual disturbance

MCS may result from a single massive exposure to one or more toxic substance or repeated exposures to low doses. Some people become chemical-sensitive following a toxic chemical spill at work or in their community, or after exposure to pesticides. Or, individuals may develop this condition from spending time in a poorly ventilated building, where they breathe a combination of chemicals. MCS may be brought on by a wide array of chemicals found at home, at work, in hospitals, in parks, and at school.

Now, the next time you splash on that aftershave…or the next time you spray your body with your favorite brand of perfume…to go to work, a restaurant, a club, a sporting event, a play or concert… think about this…

Did you know that perfume is made of toxic chemicals that can injure your health? Many of the chemicals in perfume are the same chemicals in cigarette smoke, and yet there is no regulation of the fragrance industry. Many people are “bothered” by perfumes – developing headaches, sinus problems, and even asthma from exposures. Many have gotten sick or even disabled from wearing (or being exposed to) fragrances and using other scented products. And fragrances are now used in almost every cleaning, laundry, and personal-care product on the market! These chemicals go directly into the bloodstream when applied to our skin and are also absorbed into the skin from our clothing. We also inhale the chemical fumes, which then go straight to our brains where they can do major harm. Many even have a “narcotic” effect, which is why some people seem “addicted” to their perfumes.

The problem with scented products is not so much the smell itself as the chemicals that produce the smell. Nearly all scented products currently on the market are made largely or entirely of synthetic chemicals, usually derived from petroleum or coal tar. Nearly one-third of the chemical additives used in perfumes and other scented products are known to be toxic, and it’s not safe to assume that the other chemicals are safe just because they aren’t yet known to be toxic. (Keep in mind that most of the chemicals used in this country, including 90% of the pesticides, have never been tested.) And just one perfume can contain more than 500 chemicals. Expensive products are just as likely as cheap ones to contain synthetic chemicals. And words like “hypoallergenic,” “natural scent,” “floral,” and the names of various flowers don’t mean that you can trust the product under the label–they just mean that the manufacturer wants you to think that the product is safe. Even “unscented” may actually mean that a masking fragrance has been added to the product to disguise the smell of certain ingredients.

The only safe assumption about scented products is that they contain numerous toxic chemicals which constantly vaporize into the air and attach themselves to the hair, clothing, and surroundings of anyone who wears them. These chemicals are skin irritants, suffocants, eye and respiratory tract irritants, and neurotoxins. That’s why being around someone who’s wearing a scented product (or who’s wearing clothes that have picked up smells from past use of scented products) can cause an chemically sensitive person to develop obvious allergy symptoms (sneezing, coughing, watery eyes), to have an asthma attack, to develop a headache, to become dizzy or nauseous, to have trouble focusing or thinking or remembering, to experience sudden mood changes, to develop muscle cramps or spinal subluxations, or even to have a seizure or lose consciousness.

And that’s why wearing scented products isn’t just a personal choice. It’s a choice to impact the air space of others–and in ways you may not be able to predict or control. And that’s why “I’m just wearing a little!” or “It’s not perfume, it’s just my soap” are irrelevant responses. The chemicals don’t care. They don’t care how much you’re wearing or in what form you’re wearing it–they’re going to vaporize into the air around you and do their chemical thing, even if you weren’t planning to harm someone.

I don’t own these statistics and words. They belong to these wise and caring people and Foundations:

Thanks go to Roberta Rigsby, the World Asthma Foundation, the Asthma Foundation and the Chemical Sensitivity Foundation for all this great info and for trying to make the world a safe place for everyone.

Human

Posted in Attitudes, back to earth, Choices, Contradiction, Diagonal View, Dreamer, Faith, hand of man, Heart of the Matter, Hope, Images, It could Happen, keeping positive, last words, Life, Love, Memories, People, Piles of sand, quest, search, stomach muscles, Symbolism, the story unfolds, thoughts, Too tough to die, wisdom on March 21, 2011 by anuvuestudio

Many people out there are soul searching in these difficult times. I am one of them. I can’t put those feelings into words but this lovely song has done it for me. This is for all of you (and me too). Many Blessings 😉 H

Special thanks to Civil Twilight for the beautiful song “Human”, to Da Vinci, 109BC, The Voice, Media Watch, Szukalski, Tori, People’s Voice, The Telegraph, Humanity Healing, Klunavik. MNN

Sea Celebration

Posted in Death, Faith, Famiiy, Father, Honor and Remember, Life, Love, Mother, Personal, solitude, Somewhere Over the rainbow on August 5, 2010 by anuvuestudio

It’s been a rough week, but Monday my sisters called to say our Mother’s ashes had finally become available and they were on their way to retrieve them. Apparently, even in death, So Cal keeps people waiting in line.  I thought it would be a bit difficult to explain that I needed to leave work early so that I could join my sisters in a “Dairy Queen Drive Thru” but apparently nothing I say frightens my co-workers any longer.  Mother’s urn was seat belted in the back beside me as we ordered our cones and toasted her in a “High Five Ice Cream salute”. (Our Mother was an avid fan).

Last evening we set sail to scatter her ashes. The location was our Father’s “Halibut Hot Spot” where he won 3 Halibut Derby’s and where we spread his own ashes 4 years back. I did worry about divulging the exact coordinates to the sea captain… but he was a great guy… and I think our secret is safe. Me, being me…I can’t let things just “be”. I have to orchestrate everything into some sort of organized event…and even though my Father’s “service script” was less than perfect (horrendously funny in fact) due to a storm brewing on the Pacific…I did make another effort for my Mother’s sake …and her memory. My Family indulges my need to do this kind of thing. Each of us has “something”. This habit is all mine.

Our boat was a 48 foot Aquila fishing vessel leaving Huntington Harbor Yacht Club. Heck…I’ve lived in Huntington for 20 years and never even knew we had one! We carted our paraphernalia onto the waiting craft and left the dock at precisely 6:30 pm. We had previously sent candles for people to light in a moment of reflection and remembrance. (That’s our kind of service). Leaving the Harbor, I had recorded Scottish Bagpipes such as “Amazing Grace” and “Danny Boy”. I found the recording “allot less drama” than when I hired the actual Bag Piper for my Father’s service. He seemed to have a previously undivulge “problem” with motion sickness…which ultimately became a “problem” for the previous sea captain.

We traveled through the harbor very dignified, pipes blaring, wind whipping through our hair. There was an emotional moment when we noticed 2 birds following us, very determined to keep up. We don’t cry gracefully like in the movies…more of a choked, red-faced, gasping of air…(much like a fish out of water) but we made it through. We are Krishers after all.

When we arrived at the area, the captain turned the boat toward the secret spot and lowered his anchor. My oldest sister (Cindy) gets embarrassed easily… but she was a good sport when I told her she was now “the Matriarch” and, with that title, she was expected to be the first to speak. I had given her some old sea verse previously (reading is easier) and when she spoke, I felt her power and was enormously proud. My middle sister (Julie) was next (I had previously mentioned to go in ceremonial birth order) (again, can’t help this habit) and she spoke from the heart through tears that made her children cry…which in turn made her Sisters cry. The captain stayed composed thank God. I went next with a prayer and then 3 of my sisters’ children spoke about their Grandmother.

What came next needs a little explanation. My dear Mother (born Protestant Christian) was fascinated by the Catholic religion. She made me watch “all things Fatima” while growing up. I’ve probably seen “The Song of Bernadette” 400 times which makes me want to shout  “I can’t make you happy in this world…only in the next“. She collected those sealed rose petal things that they send out to people on mailing lists. She must have had 40 lying here and there. Years ago when I visited Notre Dame, I even brought back a blessed Rosary for her to hold on to. So naturally, when the time came for Julie to spread the ashes, I tuned the iPod to the most wonderful version of Ave Maria I’ve ever heard (by the very talented Josh Groban). If you haven’t heard it…let me just say…it could bring Satan himself down to his knees…something I’d very much like to see.

Upon release, the ashes hit the wind and gently sailed though the air, falling slowly into the waiting ocean . Cindy followed this by dropping a beautiful heart-shaped wreath that my niece Nicole had made from gatherings in my Mother’s garden. I followed that by scattering handfuls of white rose petals. I must silently thank a neighbor (whom had no idea of their contribution and never will)  because I actually stole them in the middle of the previous night, after having forgot to pick some up at the local florist. I was standing in the shower late Monday night, trying to remember all the things that needed to be done, when white petals popped into my head. I jumped out quickly and retrieved my robe. Armed with cutting shears, I marched around the block until I spied some whites roses growing. I am grateful that nothing embarrassing (like a car) happened by while I stealthily hacked away. I did my best not to leave large, noticable bald spots.

Once the 3 sisters had done their best to celebrate their Mother’s life…we stood and watch that beautiful wreath…surrounded by white floating petals…roll wave after wave through an ocean lit by the golden setting sun. I blame the tears on Ave Maria…but it really was a beautiful, peaceful sight…a fitting end to a beautiful woman’s life.

Ceremony completed, big band Benny Goodman brought us back into a lighter mood. During the next hour I witnessed my sister fall on her bum (she was ok), my niece argue with the sea captain about the merits of the Beatles versus any other lesser band and the captain’s shipmate break out his fishing gear. I felt warmed knowing the world was being set right and that life goes on…even after great loss. I felt my Mother and Father’s presence and I know that they were smiling down on us.

Dorothy Virginia 1923 – 2010

Posted in Death, Entering New Territory, Famiiy, Father, Heart of the Matter, Honor and Remember, Life, Mother, Uncategorized on July 26, 2010 by anuvuestudio

God Speed Mama. We LOVE you!

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

William Wordsworth

Life, Death & Inappropriate Laughter

Posted in Attitude, Death, Famiiy, Life on July 25, 2010 by anuvuestudio

Mother’s Hand 2010

I’ve had allot of time lately to contemplate life and death  and this is what I’d like to share with you. My Family has been watching my Mother’s slow deterioration due to Alzheimer’s for a few years, and in the last 5 weeks, a major acceleration has begun. In watching the suffering, I’m left with the view that we as people are more humane with our pets than we are with humankind…something I find more than strange. I can clearly remember my Father’s very sensical statement after being diagnosed with lung cancer. He was given 6 months tops and asked his Doctor very matter-of factly, “Don’t you have a pill I can take?” I remember thinking…man, that’s bold even for my Father and quite insightful. Why would a man, self-sufficient and strong-willed, want to die without dignity… as his 3 Daughters stood by helpless. As it turned out, he willed himself to die and he went out on his own terms, much in the way he lived his life. And I remember always having a sense of humor mixed with all the tears, to the end and ever after. Humor is the greatest healer in all things and I thank God my Family understands that.

With my Mother, it’s much the same.  She can’t walk or communicate, but insists on being a Lady to the end. Exactly what that means is a private thing but her strength and willpower never ceases to amaze me and makes me smile just thinking about it. When I think about my Parents and the end of their lives, I am left with this view. Yes, we are sad at their loss (even frightened) but we all believe in the next life with God and we know that they will both be happy and healthy again. I also know just how amazingly lucky and blessed my Family has been in that both Parents have been allowed to die in their own home, in their own bed, at a ripe old age. I don’t know one person in my circle to have a Parent that blessed, let alone both. I could not be more grateful and I know this would not have happened without the determination of my sister Julie. Her love truly has no bounds.

For my own future, I have a 50% chance of getting the Disease, since both my Mother and Grandmother were affected, so I am determined to follow a quicker route. If that means wandering into the mountains and being eaten by a bear, so be it. Hopefully I will still be tender enough by then for the bear to enjoy. In the meantime I will continue to look for humor in all the inappropriate places I can find in regards to both life and death.

I recently had to go sign paperwork at the local Funeral establishment that houses half of my Family that has “gone before”. The other half rests about 5 miles North. Not sure why and when the family lines were drawn but my guess is some were just more frugal than others. I imagine some of them realized dead is dead and no extravagance is going to change that fact. The lady that met me was very sweet and concerned but I don’t think she was ready for a Krisher. She gave me her grave voice until I told her the Dearly Departed wasn’t yet departed and that we are just a very organized Family. Understanding, she went to the business voice. I broke in with my Aunt’s recent internment and explained, that only 40 feet away, her entire bowling team had attended her service in the chapel. I smiled when mentioning her bowling ball and it’s front and center placement at the service. I think her only son was several rows back in the pews. My wonderful spirited Aunt, a Krisher,  died at 97 and had the same voice as the lady from that poltergeist movie. My fondest memory of her service was my Mother’s utterance “oh Bullshit” at some exclamation the Minister made. (She was at stage 5). I had great difficulty not shaking my shoulders.

The Funeral Lady continued by asking me several questions about explosive devises which really got my attention. Apparently if you have a pacemaker or metal in your body, you can explode in the crematorium and “they cannot be responsible for the lost remains”. I kept a straight face when I said “Really?…Cooool. I know my Father would have greatly enjoyed that send off”. She smiled tightly and I signed more papers. She then went on about identifying the departed before the cremation. My sister explained this later ” In case they mix you up with a cat or dog”… I also learned that apparently you can also be laid in a cardboard box (included in the price) or something special (extra cost). I don’t know about you folks, but when I go, I don’t give a rats ass if I’m placed in several shoe boxes that have been artfully masking-taped together. Ashes are ashes.

That leads me to give you a brief visual of my Father’s service. He was heavily into fishing his entire life, and in retirement, he turned into a fanatic. When he knew his life was ending, he ask me to turn his remains into fishing lures, knowing full well, if it was possible, I would find a way. Thankfully, as it turned out I was able to change his mind. My idea was a very respectful boat parade leading out to sea, complete with bagpiper, heading to his favorite fishing hot spot. We would circle the magical place in our boats, leaving flowered wreaths after offering a flaming arrow and  poetic words… and then gracefully sprinkle his ashes. I originally planned to send him off viking style with the flaming arrow igniting a boat with his remains but my Sisters were concerned with my jail sentence.

In reality, the bagpiper sounded wonderful going out… and then proceeded t0 toss his cookies all over the floor of the volunteer boat (poor guy we didn’t know), when we hit the high seas. My Mother started screaming in the tossing waves and then got seasick as well. The flaming arrow that was supposed to sail over a small memorial boat wouldn’t light in the wind and the wreaths were thrown in a strewed mess. I remember being pelted in the side of the head by a big bunch of petals while my middle sister clung to the boat for dear life. My eldest sister tried to gently sprinkle the ashes which caught wind and hit me full on in the face and mouth. I should have known there would be mischief the moment we pulled from the dock and passed a boat christened “Le Max” (my Father’s name). We made it back to shore, but not before one of my nephews fell into the harbor waters, trying to exit one of the boats. I’m sure my Father was laughing his ass off that day from somewhere high above.

When my Mother does pass on to the other side, we will again attempt a boat ride out to sea. I know my Sisters are already fretting over sea sickness and any mad schemes I may be planning to honor our Mother’s life. That’s the stuff that makes life worth living and laughing at. It’s what does justice to the memory of my Beloved family. I hope we never lose our ability to laugh at ourselves in moments of deep sadness.