Archive for the Personal Category

God Speed Chris

Posted in artists, Attitudes, Death, Life, Love, Memories, Music, Musicians, Personal, Quietness, remembering, Somewhere Over the rainbow, thoughts, Uncategorized on May 19, 2017 by anuvuestudio

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I can still remember clearly the first time I heard his voice. I would lay around listening to the radio, trying to catch his name or the name of the band he was frontman for. I would always hear parts of the song… but never enough to make a purchase in the 5 music stores I went to. I would try to sing words from the song, always to a very confused music merchant. Finally, a person at Virgin records had heard it too. They placed the elusive CD in my hand and I was off. I popped that thing into my car and turned it up so loud the walls vibrated and shuddered. The voice was haunting, dark, melancholy. It was deep like the vocals that have attracted my attention since I was a small child. I played that CD endlessly until people refused to ride in my car. I can laugh at that now. That day Chris became my favorite singer. He had the voice of a dark angel. The kind of tone that hits you inside the chest and gives you that twitchy pain behind your eyes. The tone you feel into your very soul.

I’m a firm believer that some people are just not meant for this world. They try so hard to conform and live amongst us. But their souls are always restless. No amount of love or money or beauty or fame can tame them and their search for that “something” that will keep them steady and quiet their soul…it just never comes. Some people will say he was selfish. Some people will say he abused drugs or alcohol. Others will discuss what was in his mind; depression, mental illness, bi-polar, whatever… as if they knew him well both inside and out. The simple fact is no one did. We only knew his music.

What I say? I pray that God wraps loving arms around his family and friends. I pray Chris has finally found his inner peace and is free.  God Speed Brother.

Words to Live Audioslave Chris Cornell Show Me How Me

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Please care…

Posted in Attitudes, Bring it, Divided, Doctor visits, Entering New Territory, good grief, Hiding place, Hope, It could Happen, keeping positive, last words, Life, People, Personal, Remember, Self portrait, Teaching, the story unfolds, thoughts, Too tough to die, Uncategorized, wisdom, wish, yikes, yuck! with tags , , , , , on April 21, 2011 by anuvuestudio


About others and read this…

Imagine each day you wake, you live with the possibility of feeling ill. Your throat gets scratchy, your ears plug, your sinus’s have painful pressure and your eyes water. Imagine everyday feeling like you have a cold…that will never go away. Not enough? Take your right hand and with your index finger and thumb, pinch them together over your nose and hold. It’s at  this point you begin to breath through your mouth. Now, with your left hand, place your flat palm over your mouth and hold tight. Imagine the weight of a 30lb child standing on your chest in the center between your nipples. Can you feel the weight pressing? Now wait until you have to breath…until you’re actually scared…and then… don’t let go. Not enough. Dig a hole… in the ground…and place yourself in it. Let a friend cover you over with fresh, heavy earth, until there’s no light and no air. Get the picture?

Asthma facts and Statistics

Every day in America Alone:

  • Every day in America Alone:
    40,000 people miss school or work due to asthma.
  •  30,000 people have an asthma attack.
  •  5,000 people visit the emergency room due to asthma.
  •  1,000 people are admitted to the hospital due to asthma.
  •  11 people die from asthma.

An estimated 20 million Americans suffer from asthma (1 in 15 Americans), and 50% of asthma cases are “allergic-asthma.” The prevalence of asthma has been increasing since the early 1980s across all age, sex and racial groups.

Multiple Chemical Sensitivity 

Chemical-based products are all around: in the clothes we wear, in the food we eat and in the air we breathe. It is not possible to escape exposure. Many people have become sensitized to the chemicals around them. It is estimated that as much as 15% of the population has become sensitized to common household and commercial products. For some people the sensitization is not too serious a problem. They may have what appears to be a minor allergy to one or more chemicals. Other people are much more seriously affected. Such people have a condition known as Multiple Chemical Sensitivity or MCS.

Symptoms of MCS 

• asthma or other breathing problems  • autoimmune disorders  • behavioral problems  • bloating or other intestinal problems  • cardiovascular irregularities  • chronic exhaustion  • disorientation or becoming “lost”  • dizziness  • dystonia (paralysis)  • eye, nose and throat problems • fatigue and depression • flu-like symptoms • food allergies and intolerances • genitourinary problems • headaches • increased sensitivity to odors • inflammation • irritability • learning disabilities • mental confusion • movement disorders • muscle weakness and joint pains • numbness and tingling in limbs • persistent infections, especially yeast  • persistent skin rashes and sores • seizure disorders • short or long term memory loss • visual disturbance

MCS may result from a single massive exposure to one or more toxic substance or repeated exposures to low doses. Some people become chemical-sensitive following a toxic chemical spill at work or in their community, or after exposure to pesticides. Or, individuals may develop this condition from spending time in a poorly ventilated building, where they breathe a combination of chemicals. MCS may be brought on by a wide array of chemicals found at home, at work, in hospitals, in parks, and at school.

Now, the next time you splash on that aftershave…or the next time you spray your body with your favorite brand of perfume…to go to work, a restaurant, a club, a sporting event, a play or concert… think about this…

Did you know that perfume is made of toxic chemicals that can injure your health? Many of the chemicals in perfume are the same chemicals in cigarette smoke, and yet there is no regulation of the fragrance industry. Many people are “bothered” by perfumes – developing headaches, sinus problems, and even asthma from exposures. Many have gotten sick or even disabled from wearing (or being exposed to) fragrances and using other scented products. And fragrances are now used in almost every cleaning, laundry, and personal-care product on the market! These chemicals go directly into the bloodstream when applied to our skin and are also absorbed into the skin from our clothing. We also inhale the chemical fumes, which then go straight to our brains where they can do major harm. Many even have a “narcotic” effect, which is why some people seem “addicted” to their perfumes.

The problem with scented products is not so much the smell itself as the chemicals that produce the smell. Nearly all scented products currently on the market are made largely or entirely of synthetic chemicals, usually derived from petroleum or coal tar. Nearly one-third of the chemical additives used in perfumes and other scented products are known to be toxic, and it’s not safe to assume that the other chemicals are safe just because they aren’t yet known to be toxic. (Keep in mind that most of the chemicals used in this country, including 90% of the pesticides, have never been tested.) And just one perfume can contain more than 500 chemicals. Expensive products are just as likely as cheap ones to contain synthetic chemicals. And words like “hypoallergenic,” “natural scent,” “floral,” and the names of various flowers don’t mean that you can trust the product under the label–they just mean that the manufacturer wants you to think that the product is safe. Even “unscented” may actually mean that a masking fragrance has been added to the product to disguise the smell of certain ingredients.

The only safe assumption about scented products is that they contain numerous toxic chemicals which constantly vaporize into the air and attach themselves to the hair, clothing, and surroundings of anyone who wears them. These chemicals are skin irritants, suffocants, eye and respiratory tract irritants, and neurotoxins. That’s why being around someone who’s wearing a scented product (or who’s wearing clothes that have picked up smells from past use of scented products) can cause an chemically sensitive person to develop obvious allergy symptoms (sneezing, coughing, watery eyes), to have an asthma attack, to develop a headache, to become dizzy or nauseous, to have trouble focusing or thinking or remembering, to experience sudden mood changes, to develop muscle cramps or spinal subluxations, or even to have a seizure or lose consciousness.

And that’s why wearing scented products isn’t just a personal choice. It’s a choice to impact the air space of others–and in ways you may not be able to predict or control. And that’s why “I’m just wearing a little!” or “It’s not perfume, it’s just my soap” are irrelevant responses. The chemicals don’t care. They don’t care how much you’re wearing or in what form you’re wearing it–they’re going to vaporize into the air around you and do their chemical thing, even if you weren’t planning to harm someone.

I don’t own these statistics and words. They belong to these wise and caring people and Foundations:

Thanks go to Roberta Rigsby, the World Asthma Foundation, the Asthma Foundation and the Chemical Sensitivity Foundation for all this great info and for trying to make the world a safe place for everyone.

Sea Celebration

Posted in Death, Faith, Famiiy, Father, Honor and Remember, Life, Love, Mother, Personal, solitude, Somewhere Over the rainbow on August 5, 2010 by anuvuestudio

It’s been a rough week, but Monday my sisters called to say our Mother’s ashes had finally become available and they were on their way to retrieve them. Apparently, even in death, So Cal keeps people waiting in line.  I thought it would be a bit difficult to explain that I needed to leave work early so that I could join my sisters in a “Dairy Queen Drive Thru” but apparently nothing I say frightens my co-workers any longer.  Mother’s urn was seat belted in the back beside me as we ordered our cones and toasted her in a “High Five Ice Cream salute”. (Our Mother was an avid fan).

Last evening we set sail to scatter her ashes. The location was our Father’s “Halibut Hot Spot” where he won 3 Halibut Derby’s and where we spread his own ashes 4 years back. I did worry about divulging the exact coordinates to the sea captain… but he was a great guy… and I think our secret is safe. Me, being me…I can’t let things just “be”. I have to orchestrate everything into some sort of organized event…and even though my Father’s “service script” was less than perfect (horrendously funny in fact) due to a storm brewing on the Pacific…I did make another effort for my Mother’s sake …and her memory. My Family indulges my need to do this kind of thing. Each of us has “something”. This habit is all mine.

Our boat was a 48 foot Aquila fishing vessel leaving Huntington Harbor Yacht Club. Heck…I’ve lived in Huntington for 20 years and never even knew we had one! We carted our paraphernalia onto the waiting craft and left the dock at precisely 6:30 pm. We had previously sent candles for people to light in a moment of reflection and remembrance. (That’s our kind of service). Leaving the Harbor, I had recorded Scottish Bagpipes such as “Amazing Grace” and “Danny Boy”. I found the recording “allot less drama” than when I hired the actual Bag Piper for my Father’s service. He seemed to have a previously undivulge “problem” with motion sickness…which ultimately became a “problem” for the previous sea captain.

We traveled through the harbor very dignified, pipes blaring, wind whipping through our hair. There was an emotional moment when we noticed 2 birds following us, very determined to keep up. We don’t cry gracefully like in the movies…more of a choked, red-faced, gasping of air…(much like a fish out of water) but we made it through. We are Krishers after all.

When we arrived at the area, the captain turned the boat toward the secret spot and lowered his anchor. My oldest sister (Cindy) gets embarrassed easily… but she was a good sport when I told her she was now “the Matriarch” and, with that title, she was expected to be the first to speak. I had given her some old sea verse previously (reading is easier) and when she spoke, I felt her power and was enormously proud. My middle sister (Julie) was next (I had previously mentioned to go in ceremonial birth order) (again, can’t help this habit) and she spoke from the heart through tears that made her children cry…which in turn made her Sisters cry. The captain stayed composed thank God. I went next with a prayer and then 3 of my sisters’ children spoke about their Grandmother.

What came next needs a little explanation. My dear Mother (born Protestant Christian) was fascinated by the Catholic religion. She made me watch “all things Fatima” while growing up. I’ve probably seen “The Song of Bernadette” 400 times which makes me want to shout  “I can’t make you happy in this world…only in the next“. She collected those sealed rose petal things that they send out to people on mailing lists. She must have had 40 lying here and there. Years ago when I visited Notre Dame, I even brought back a blessed Rosary for her to hold on to. So naturally, when the time came for Julie to spread the ashes, I tuned the iPod to the most wonderful version of Ave Maria I’ve ever heard (by the very talented Josh Groban). If you haven’t heard it…let me just say…it could bring Satan himself down to his knees…something I’d very much like to see.

Upon release, the ashes hit the wind and gently sailed though the air, falling slowly into the waiting ocean . Cindy followed this by dropping a beautiful heart-shaped wreath that my niece Nicole had made from gatherings in my Mother’s garden. I followed that by scattering handfuls of white rose petals. I must silently thank a neighbor (whom had no idea of their contribution and never will)  because I actually stole them in the middle of the previous night, after having forgot to pick some up at the local florist. I was standing in the shower late Monday night, trying to remember all the things that needed to be done, when white petals popped into my head. I jumped out quickly and retrieved my robe. Armed with cutting shears, I marched around the block until I spied some whites roses growing. I am grateful that nothing embarrassing (like a car) happened by while I stealthily hacked away. I did my best not to leave large, noticable bald spots.

Once the 3 sisters had done their best to celebrate their Mother’s life…we stood and watch that beautiful wreath…surrounded by white floating petals…roll wave after wave through an ocean lit by the golden setting sun. I blame the tears on Ave Maria…but it really was a beautiful, peaceful sight…a fitting end to a beautiful woman’s life.

Ceremony completed, big band Benny Goodman brought us back into a lighter mood. During the next hour I witnessed my sister fall on her bum (she was ok), my niece argue with the sea captain about the merits of the Beatles versus any other lesser band and the captain’s shipmate break out his fishing gear. I felt warmed knowing the world was being set right and that life goes on…even after great loss. I felt my Mother and Father’s presence and I know that they were smiling down on us.

Having Class

Posted in Personal, uh oh on June 3, 2010 by anuvuestudio

I’m taking classes to be certified in Herbalogy (study of herbs) for my own personal use (and any Family, Friend or sickie not afraid of my up and coming arsenal of plant medicine). Yes, soon you may even call me a “witch” without having to be stitched up. It’s held at a nearby Homeopathic School, where at times, I feel like a Republican at a Hippie convention. The people are all very enthusiastic, young, beautiful and friendly. I’m the quiet, mysterious, older women writing down every word  the instructor says…I swear. I type my notes later and I’m lucky if I can read them. I’m still trying to figure out what zapsmere means.

Tonight, I almost swallowed my tongue trying not to laugh at the notice on the board and the Instructor’s mention of the “found belly ring”. The article itself was then taped to the note for the owner to claim. I waited half afraid and half anticipation for whoever lost it to reclaim it… knowing full well my snorting would disgrace me. They don’t tell you learning can be so entertaining but I think that’s why they make you pay. I don’t want to think about how it got lost…or found.

At one point, a young woman came in late with her dog. Just when I thought it must be stuffed because it just laid there on her lap in a coma, I overheard the dog was “in training”…for what, I never did find out. I did watch people try to pet the poor dear and she had to keep repeating “in training”. It was the cutest dang thing I ever saw…well except for that sock monkey commercial.

Tonight after passing a boatload of vodka around the room (medicinal use people) we made our first “tincture” (which I had to look up the previous week). Everyone else was up on them and the proper pronunciation. I realized it was the stuff in my health food store with the eye dropper. Another mystery over. Now if I could just learn to make marshmallows…

I’m totally looking forward to the field-trip coming up. I believe it’s illegal to “harvest” wild plants in a National or State Park. I’m definitely bringing my camera for when the authorities come to get us. After a few journalist worthy shots I’m gonna run like Hell.

These are the days

Posted in Famiiy, Father, Honor and Remember, Life, Love, Memories, Personal, Smiling, Teacher, Uncategorized on May 26, 2010 by anuvuestudio

I lost my Father 4 years ago today. During his life, the lessons, love and guidance he gave… molded me into the person I became. He was and always will be my Hero and I was so blessed and lucky to have him. I continue to honor his life by living and creating my own memories…keeping him close to my heart.

these are days you’ll remember

never before and never since, I promise
will the whole world be warm as this
and as you feel it, you’ll know it’s true
that you are blessed and lucky
it’s true, that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you

these are days you’ll remember

when May is rushing over you with desire
to be part of the miracles you see in every hour
you’ll know it’s true, that you are blessed and lucky
it’s true, that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you

these are the days
that you might fill with laughter
until you break

these days you might feel a shaft of light
make its way across your face
and when you do
you’ll know how it was meant to be
see the signs and know their meaning

you’ll know how it was meant to be
hear the signs and
know they’re speaking to you
to you

2010…let’s begin again

Posted in Attitudes, Choices, clutter, Diagonal View, Dreamer, Entering New Territory, Famiiy, Friends, keeping positive, Life, new beginnings, New Year, old endings, Personal, slow down, the story unfolds, Uncategorized, Whoo Hoo, wisdom on December 30, 2009 by anuvuestudio

2010


As this year ends, I find myself anxious to begin the new one, like no other I can ever remember. The actually saying “2010” aloud makes me think of renewed hope, new beginnings, rebuilding, reinventing, while maintaining all I’ve learned from the past year. Some people weren’t affected by the recession but those folks are few and surely fortunate. The majority of us learned hard lessons about extravagance and living beyond our means, taking things for granted and never believing lives can change (and do) in the flash of a moment. In the past weeks, on my travels, I’ve seen and experienced the peoples will to survive under the most dire circumstances…with ingenuity, honor and dignity. I’ve seen some give when there was so little of their own left to give. My belief in the goodness of mankind has been renewed just when I began to forsake it. I find selfish strength in numbers, in mass understanding that we share these difficult times as one world. I know I am not alone in my fears.

I think, we as Americans, have long been spoiled and “over-blessed” with a multitude of unnecessary “things”… failing ourselves… our children and our neighbors on the most basic levels. We must pay more attention to loving, understanding and accepting one another than we waste on arguing our own opinions, religions and staunch beliefs. All the politically correct words in the world don’t feed those who go hungry at night nor hug the loneliest among us. We must be willing to not only listen to those suffering most but to offer our hands in ways that actually do make the difference. We need to leave behind wasted time on the unimportant fluff.  We’re just now re-learning the simplest things that make us the most happiest with the least cost to our pockets…and souls. It’s time to relinquish the cells phones long enough to breath the fresh air and see the magic that God gave us with appreciative eyes. It’s time to finally “see” the beauty and wonder around us and live our lives in simplicity.

I look back at what I’ve lost in a year…my Gallery, my job description, my uterus, the curve in my left cheek, three-quarters of our combined income, a fancy car, two mentors and one very dear friend. To that, I compare what I’ve gained…white eyebrow hairs, simplicity, fairly impressive barbeque skills, some weight, a new group of artistically gifted friends, a mysterious pirate scar, more patience, old wisdom and renewed eyes to finally see the world around me. I thought I’d be older when this epiphany happened. Maybe I just needed to be forced to choose to. I am grateful for all the winding roads that lead me to be a stronger woman, a wiser person and a better human than I ever would have been without being shown the way. Low and behold…I find I gained even from all I’ve lost.

I wish for all of you, those I’m blessed to know, those I don’t know yet and those I never will…a happy, happy New Year full of all the love and happiness you deserve, the eyes to notice it when it’s in front of you and long arms to reach out and grab it when you realize you actually can.

2010…to new beginnings.

Love Heather

The Thomas Gallery Visit

Posted in artists, Attitudes, birthday, Bring it, Collections, creative, excitement, Famiiy, Friends, gallery, Hanging out, Honor and Remember, Images, Life, Memories, Oh Yeah!, Personal, Portraiture, remembering, Surprise, the story unfolds, Too tough to die, Uncategorized, Whoo Hoo, wow on May 10, 2009 by anuvuestudio

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Last weekend Micheal and I traveled up the 395 for the 99th Birthday celebration of Carroll Thomas… and especially to give him the portraits painted by the 818 Artists.

About 2 hours into the road trip there’s a place out in the middle of nowhere that suddenly opens up into a shopping center. You know…the kind of development where the new houses all look the same and are built right next to the road…even though there’s miles of land around. I can’t figured out why anyone would choose to live 10 feet from the highway…but hey, that’s me. I always laugh at the signs with the city name (which I forget) and the slogan “Land of Endless Possibilities”. The first two that come to mind are “heat stroke” and “dusty sandwiches”. Anyway, the destination has a Starbucks which normally means a clean restroom and a liquid snack… so it’s always the first stop.

I packed sandwiches but knew we would be arriving in Olancha for stop #2 and some of their famous fresh jerky. Mike loves the stuff. It’s housed in a old, rundown “used-to-be” gas station but I think it’s kinda charming in it’s own “stickered up” way. The person behind the counter always implores me to try a sample and though I gave up jerky when I gave up meat, I always show them a big, wistful smile while I say “no thank you”.

Next stop (when my liquid snack has been in me long enough) is about an hour farther on up at one of those highway rest stops. At this particular place the wind is usually blowing hard enough to make you walk bent over just to stay upright. It’s the last rest stop before Manzanar, the WWII Japanese Internment Camp so typically there are “history seeking lurkers” camped out on a picnic bench. On any normal trip, it’s me sharing the bathroom with one of them and a misguided squirrel looking for the exit. But on this Saturday, it was me and about 5 chartered buses, all full of Middle and High School teens. The line had already formed from the first bus of arrivals and I groaned very loudly as I got out of the car. I ran to get in front of the rapidly exiting, liquid overloaded, others in the parking lot. I snuck in the side less noticeable to the unobservant or unknowing traveler and found about 10 girls hugging their flat bellies. I heard a loud commotion… more a wailing sound… “I caaaaannnn’t fluuuush the toilet” and then another and another. Since no other adult (and I use the term loosely) was around, I took matters into my own hands…or rather…my feet. I went into one of the stalls and proceeded to show them that with a little patience and tenacity, the wall foot pedal would oblige… and the problem would be taken care of. I proudly heard the wooooshes going off as the intervals of understanding came into their young minds. I left with my head a little higher and the invisible “Flush Master” cape on my back. Some even waved good-bye!

Next stop, Lone Pine…the small town Ansel Adams hung around, taking photgraphs in his early years along with the Japanese Interment Camp. His Lone Pine photograph is one I always remember because he had to stipple out the big “LP” the High School kids carved into the side of the snow capped Sierras. If you ever happen to see it, look closely and sure enough, you’ll see the finely dotted letters. Lone Pine is a beautiful little town of about 1800 folks…most fisherman and hunters. I love it there and they have some really good eats! Might make a great place to retire.

Manzanar is after Lone Pine, a place I’ve sadly driven through many times… and then comes Carroll’s town, Big Pine. Now Big Pine is home to about 1200 people who wave at your car when you drive down through their homes. Yes, they have tract homes…kinda. They also have a beautiful park where the town folk walk their dogs (and kids) and they have antiques, art and weird, cool places. The people are super friendly, many being transplants from another place, like Carroll himself. At each shop I went in, I mentioned I was in town for Carroll’s Birthday. They all knew and loved him but I never got the feeling (like you get from some of the smaller towns) that there were any nosy rosies. This town minds it’s own business, probably because many are transplants, hoping for a quieter life in a beautiful place. I think they lucked out and found it! Another cool place to retire.

After walking the town, we went to Carroll’s Gallery and Helen, his girlfriend of 32 years, with long silver hair and a smile of indeterminably age, greeted us at the door. I told her we were “The People from Huntington Beach” and she lit up another grin. She went to the speaker that apparently connects to their home next door. She told Carroll we were here and he replied “I’ll be there in 10”. Sure enough, 10 minutes later, he emerged in western wear and a fancy bollo tie. Always loved bollo ties. I hadn’t see Carroll in 2 years and even then, it was only the one time, to stop in, chat and buy a painting. He looked exactly the same, maybe a bit thinner, but now sporting an air tube. Without any hesitation, he promptly blamed it on Helen, saying “She thinks she needs to keep me on a leash!”.

Now Helen was in on the surprise, but she hadn’t told Carroll the particulars, just that there was something he would enjoy. We had him sit in his rocker, handing him package by package, until finally he was rendered speechless and I’m betting, with his sharp dry wit, that doesn’t happen often. He looked up at me and said “There must be a place saved in Heaven for you… to go to all this trouble” which in turn, made me speechless. I told him “I’m merely the delivery girl” but I did present him with the photograph I took of him holding his own painting that now hangs in my living room.

He carefully read all the short bios telling him about each artist and I filled in what I could. I gave him posters from the show and told him all about the people that came. All I can say to Shiela, Jamie, Karen and Tak is that you made me a very proud women that day. Of all the things (the many great things) that happened in the short, sweet year my Gallery existed, this presentation to this wonderful man…was by far the best thing of all. Without your talent and effort, it would never have come to be. Thank you from both Carroll and myself.

From there, we were introduced to his Family, all wonderful, colorful people in their own right. His 2 sons donned the same exact “T” chin (which Carroll says is the Family trademark for Thomas). They both have the same wit as their Papa, but funny thing, he has all the hair.

Helen took me on a house tour where I saw many more originals in this talented man’s life work. Beautiful, flowing water colors, intricate oils, amazing, all amazing!

We left after the cake but I do remember Carroll telling me “The first 100 years is the hardest” and I guess he would know. He said he planned on living to 105 and that would be enough to make him content. From everything I saw, I do believe he’ll make it. He is an amazing character and one that I am so very privileged to call friend. If you ever travel on the 395 and you find yourself going through Big Pine…make the stop at the Thomas Gallery. His four new portraits now hang just inside the door along with a photograph… of he and I. 😉

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